Home » Archive by category "Animals"

That Funky Monkey

Wow another damn monkey just chillin’ in Walmart like that’s the cool thing to do these days. Since nobody listens to me I’ve decided to allow one exception to my “no monkeys in Walmart” rule. – If you have a monkey, you better also have a boombox (80′s style only) blasting Beastie Boys’ Brass Monkey. If not, [...]

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Seems like the most inefficient Santa ever. Good luck delivering all those presents in one night on that thing. Virginia

Ima Stay Home & Play With My Monkey

You haven’t lived until you have walked around Walmart with a monkey’s vagina touching you neck. Yeah, it’s gross, but you people need to think about that so people stop doing this crap. They aren’t birds, you’ve got monk...

Almost Turkey Time

To answer your question in the simplest form: Hell yes I’m ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow! Seriously though, do people still pick out, kill and cook their own bird? I thought I was on top of my game by deep frying a turkey, but these dudes take...

One Woman Wolf Pack

Nothing to see here. Just two wolf-like creatures escorting this fine lady like a ancient warrior princess. Please feel free to insert your Game of Thrones ‘Winter Is Coming’ meme references here. Washington

Head In The Gutter

Someone told me they had a pic of 2 bitches and a cock on a bike. Boy, what I pictured in my head was waaaaaay off! Tennessee

Animal Cruelty

I’m not sure what is going on here. If this is precautionary to prevent poop in the car, I’m a bit worried. If something happened to the dog and he can’t control himself then I’m sad. If he put them on himself, then I’m extremely extremely impressed. However, no matter what the scenario is here [...]

I Smell Bacon

Is it sad that when someone tells me they have a picture of a pig in Walmart this isn’t the first thing that I actually think of? Oh how my mind has been warped. Alabama

Stacking Up

Hahahaha! Cat owners are so funny and whimsical right guys? Hehehehe!….Man I can’t stand cats. What about you former Coastal Carolina football coach Bennett Presser? What do you think about cats? Minnesota

Poop On You

I don’t mean to throw a whole bag of “I told you so” on top of the shit that is already on your back, but you are proving everything I’ve ever said about animals in Walmart is correct. Honestly, I could only be more satisfied if I jumped up on your shoulders and shit down [...]